Low and Limited

Guys may not be my main focus in life, but nearing high school puts them up there with homework. I'd like to say I'm a good flirter, as I tend to get flirted with a lot, but who knows. Not me:) Despite the flirting, the extent of my experiences with the male species are, as I said before, low and limited.  It's probably mostly due to the fact that I am not very forward when it comes to relationships. Hell, my only one consisted of him telling my constantly that he could be a better boyfriend and me pulling away every time things went well. I'm not saying well  in a sexual way, just in a friendly way. And that's how I wanted us to stay. Just friendly. I guess this could also be in part related to my control freakyness, which can sometimes take over my relationships. I have this idea in my mind, this golden prospect of how everything could go in a perfect relationship: starting as friends, growing closer, next thing we know everyone is jealous of us! But that's not what's going to happen. I know it's impossible to mold a random relationship into what you want it to be, but I'm not very good at standing down. Especially with something I feel so strongly about. At the same time, I do think that my sticking to my dream is reasonable. It's not worth settling down with a guy that will never be what you dreamed of all of your life. I don't want to become one of the middle-aged women who looks back on her life and isn't satisfied with the journey.